Alec baldwin "rude, thoughtless little pig"

Alec baldwin "rude, thoughtless little pig"

Alec baldwin "rude, thoughtless little pig", Being a parent is such a hard job, as Alec Baldwin is slowly learning; there's an impossibly fine balance between guiding your children to achieve the best they can and shrieking "You rude thoughtless little pig" at them in answerphone messages.Ever since Alec Baldwin's angry ranting message to his daughter Ireland was splashed around the world last week, Baldwin has been doing the best he can to try and reverse what appears to be the most spectacular celebrity custody suicide in history. And Alec Baldwin has done this by going onto his website to explain that all parents, at one point or another, call their child's answerphone and bellow "You have insulted me for the last time! I'm gonna STRAIGHTEN YOUR ASS OUT!" at them. And who are we to disagree with the man who played the Fat Controller in a Thomas The Tank Engine movie once?

On a normal day-to-day basis, Alec Baldwin is just a normal chap. The sort of chap who gets annoyed when people call Arnold Schwarzenegger a Nazi, the sort of chap who apparently has a serial car thief for a brother and the sort of chap who somehow gets songs written about him by Colin Farrell's stalker called I Fucked Alec Baldwin In His Ass.

But mention Kim Basinger to Alec Baldwin and the man turns into the sort of juddering rage-fuelled maniac who makes Edward Norton's Hulk seem like an effete man nibbling a cucumber sandwich in a lovely meadow. More specifically, Alec Baldwin gets his rage on when you mention his long-running, increasingly bizarre custody battle with Kim Basinger over their daughter Ireland.

Most custody battles can be solved with a quick head shave and a million dollars – but to try and win sole custody of Ireland, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger have tried all sorts of weirdness, from trying to pin contempt charges on each other to making Ireland chocolate bar wrappers that besmirch the reputation of the other parent.

But not even that monumental weirdness can compare to Alec Baldwin's odd daughter-threatening voicemail that was heard around the world last week. You'll have already heard Alec Baldwin rail at Ireland for not answering the telephone by now, but it's not as if we need an excuse to print the rant with enough ellipsis to make Alec Baldwin sound more like a deranged lunatic than he actually is:

"I've made an ass of myself… You have insulted me for the last time! You don't have the brains or the decency as a human being… I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old or 11 year old, or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass… you've made me feel like shit and you've made me feel like a fool… I'm gonna straighten your ass out when I see you, do you understand me?… You are a rude thoughtless little pig!"

And now that Alec Baldwin angrily calling his daughter a pig is the talk of the whole world, it's time for Alec Baldwin to reflect briefly on his actions, before doing his best to bail himself out with a soggy explanation on his website:

"Although I have been told by numerous people not to worry too much, as all parents lose their patience with their kids, I am most saddened that this was released to the media because of what it does to a child. I'm sorry, as everyone who knows me is aware, for losing my temper with my child."

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